


when the storm settled

by rivercallum



Series: Becoming Human [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Amanda (Detroit: Become Human) Being an Asshole, Anxiety, Blizzards & Snowstorms, Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor has a flashback, Connor thinks he is a burden, CyberLife (Detroit: Become Human), Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear of Death, Flashbacks, Found Family Style, Good Dog Sumo (Detroit: Become Human), Good Parent Hank Anderson, Hank Anderson & Connor Parent-Child Relationship, Hank Anderson Adopts Connor, Hank Anderson Deserves Happiness, Hank Anderson Swears, Homelessness, Hurt/Comfort, I mean not officially but its pretty accurate, Panic Attacks, Poor Connor, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Hank Anderson, Self-Doubt, Worried Hank Anderson, Worried Parent Hank Anderson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:07:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28389033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivercallum/pseuds/rivercallum
Summary: when the revolution is over and everything has calmed down, where does Connor go?
Relationships: Hank Anderson & Connor
Series: Becoming Human [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2079162
Comments: 5
Kudos: 111





	when the storm settled

When the storm after the revolution settled, Connor didn't know what to do.

It had been a week since everything was over. He had met with Hank once since everything had ended. They shared a hug at Chicken Feed, and Hank had asked where Connor was going to stay for the time being. Connor said he was staying at New Jericho.

Connor wasn't. He didn't feel welcome, and he knew that thousands of androids were terrified of him. They knew that the famous "Deviant Hunter' had deviated, but even North was skeptical. She seemed to be the only one who had noticed the brief moment with the gun on stage, and she had warned him with her eyes. 

He didn't want to face them. It was too much for his brain to take. He wasn't welcome and shouldn't bother Hank. He had spent his entire career bothering the lieutenant and didn't want to become a burden now.

It would be best to lay low until Connor could process everything that happened. If he could process it. The emotions were strong, and he didn't know where to start. He looked up a lot of his feelings in his database and concluded that he was feeling anxious.

He hadn't ever been anxious before. It wasn't like the adrenaline he felt when he infiltrated CyberLife Tower, or when he deviated for the first time. All of those emotions went by so fast. Those were a blur, too quick for even Connor to process.

Now that he was alone with his new-found emotions, they were able to sink in and Connor really felt them. 

He didn't think he liked anxiety very much. 

Connor wandered. He spent time exploring different parts of the city he hadn't taken the time to examine. His feet let him to the park. The park where the android almost took a bullet from Hank's gun. They talked about the Tracis, and if Connor was afraid to die.

Connor was afraid to die. Even then he had told Hank he didn't want to die. In a way, Connor was scared then too, even if he wasn't deviant yet. The brunette was well on his way then, but he still didn't feel fear. At least not the same fear he felt now. 

When Connor was on the roof with Daniel, he wasn't afraid then. He couldn't die then, in his eyes. He was a machine and machines couldn't die. But looking back, Connor doesn't like the emotional emptiness that he felt in those memories. 

He remembers feeling genuinely afraid to die when he encountered Simon on the rooftop. When the blonde android shot himself, Connor felt all the sensations of death. The android felt real fear for the first time, and it was the first memory he had of true emotion. Even after the android was repaired and they made amends, it still rattled Connor to his core.

The young brunette sat on the bench, overlooking the river. His mind skipped from memory to memory, feebly trying to recognize his own emotions. It was mostly to distract him from the anxiety knawing at his chest.

The brunette didn't enjoy the sensation. He felt guilty for leading the FBI to Jericho. So many androids had died, and they lost their home. So many humans were gunned down too, and Connor had even killed a few on that ship. He killed those two guards in Cyberlife Tower too. They were just doing their job, and Connor shot them in the skull.

The panic nearly consumed him on that bench, his mind racing with all of the bad things he had done in his short life, flicking from memory to memory. Soon, it was all too much for Connor, and he entered forced stasis to keep his stress levels down.

* * *

It was dawn when Connor woke up. Ignoring the lingering memories of last night, the android stood and stretched. He felt stiff and cold as his joints creaked and groaned. Even being an artificial being doesn't make you impervious to the cold. The brunette gave one more glance at the park, before letting his legs carry him somewhere else in the city.

He walked and walked, letting his mind consume him as his processors became easily overwhelmed by these new emotions again. The brunette didn't know that it could be so painful, so frightening. Connor walked until he couldn't walk anymore. 

He spent nights in alleys or abandoned buildings. Connor spent days walking around the city. The brunette didn't need people to talk to yet. His emotions were still plaguing him, and he needed the quiet. It was just really unfortunate when it started to snow. 

Connor hissed at the cold, memories of the rose garden and Amanda flooding back to him. Tears began to prick at his eyes. He couldn't do this again. The android began to run, fear clawing at him as he tried to find his way out. The blizzard continued to rage around him.

He needed to find his way out. He couldn't let Amanda take him over. He needed to save them. He didn't want to hurt them.

He fell to his knees. He was so tired, so cold. He couldn't find the back door. It wasn't there anymore. Connor felt himself begin to cry, his body shaking with sobs.

Suddenly, a voice broke through the snow, echoing around in his head.

"Connor? Connor what the fuck are ya doing?"

As his stress levels lowered, Connor began to recognize where he was. The snow wasn't falling as heavy as he'd thought. He looked around to orient himself frantically. His legs brought him to a familiar place, one that he wasn't surprised he'd ended up at.

Hank stood on his doorstep as Connor knelt in his driveway. The android's tears were still falling, and he hadn't moved since Hank had called him.

"Connor? Are you okay?" Hank said, finally stepping off the porch to hurry over to the collapsed android. 

"Hank I…how…what…?" Connor practically short-circuited, his processors scrambling to get a grasp of what had just happened.

"Let's get you inside kid, I'm freezing my ass off out here." Hank helped the android to his feet, assisting him inside.

Sumo paced around by the front door, sensing the tense air around his owner and Connor.

"Sumo, lay down somewhere. Connor can't play right now," Hank said gruffly as he walked Connor toward the couch.

Connor didn't say anything. He was still reeling from the flashback. It felt so real and so intense. He couldn't tell reality from his memory.

"So are you gonna tell me what the hell just happened?" Hank said, looking the android with prying eyes.

"I…it felt so real," Connor gaped, meeting Hank's gaze confusedly.

"What felt real?" Hank asked, oblivious to the emotional distress his partner was going through.

Connor had to tell Hank what happened. He hadn't discussed the events on stage before with anyone, and Connor didn't think he'd ever be ready to recall it.

"When I was on stage at the end of the revolution…I…I was taken over by CyberLife," The brunette looked toward the floor, blocking his memory from looping the video playback.

"They can do that?!" Hank said, eyes wide with shock.

"My internal AI, Amanda, had trapped me in my mind. It was snowing and I was so cold. They…they tried making me shoot Markus. I…I barely made it out after finding Kamski's backdoor program," Connor ignored the lieutenant's question, speaking quickly as his stress levels rose again.

**80% Stress. Please seek calmer environments.**

"I…I guess I got scared from being in the snow and ran here," Connor explained, finally meeting Hank's eyes again.

"Wait…you were outside? Connor, I thought you were staying at New Jericho." Hank asked, catching on to the android's hesitation.

"I…I was but-," The brunette began to stutter out an answer.

"Connor…are you homeless?" Hank asked bluntly, looking at his former partner with emotions Connor didn't recognize.

The android couldn't lie anymore. "I didn't want to hurt anybody. I don't know what CyberLife can do to me and I wanted to protect everyone. I'm- I'm sorry for lying, I- I couldn’t'…"

**91% Stress. Seek calmer environments immediately.**

Connor began rocking back and forth, tears welling up in his eyes. Hank watched the android in pure shock. The gray-haired man had never seen Connor cry, much less so panicked. The brunette was always composed and calm, or he had been since he deviated.

Hank snapped out of his shock when Connor began to sob and grip at his hair.

"Connor! Connor you gotta calm down!" Hank knelt down next to the boy, desperately trying to lower his hands away from his head.

"I…I'm trying! I can't stop it!" Connor panicked more as he caught his stress levels.

The android began hyperventilating, a side effect of cooling systems. When he got too distressed, he heated up.

"Breathe son! You're gonna make yourself sick," Hank begged, helpless to the panic.

_Son? He thinks of me as a…son?_

**↓ 82% Stress**

"There you go kid. Keep doing that," Hank encouraged as Connor's breathing began to slow.

A warm feeling spread through Connor at the realization. He wasn't a burden to Hank. He was just as important to the lieutenant as Hank was to Connor. He felt his systems breaking through the panic, and allowed his breath to slow.

**↓ 70% Stress**

"Are you feeling better now kid? Nothing gonna blow up inside ya?" Hank joked slightly, watching the young android apprehensively.

Connor cleared his voice modulator, feeling as if it was congested with tears. "My stress levels are returning to normal. I'll be alright momentarily, Hank." 

"Good good…," Hank hummed, slightly afraid to ask any more questions to the overwhelmed android.

After a few moments, Connor checked his stress levels again. 53%. That was reasonable for now, seeing as he was dangerously close to self-destructing just minutes before. The silence was thick, and Connor finally spoke up.

"I suppose I should answer your questions now," Connor mumbled, shuffling uncomfortably in his oversized jacket.

"Damn right!" Hank exclaimed.

"Alright. After the resolution, CyberLife hacked my programming through an internal AI named Amanda. She was who I was making reports to. She lived in my mind, a special place that was designed to look like a garden. When they hacked me, I was trapped there. The garden reflected my emotional state at the time, and it was a blizzard inside. I was freezing to death in there, and I barely made it to Kamski's backdoor exit. If I hadn't made it in time, CyberLife would have forced me to shoot Markus and end the revolution," Connor explained.

"Holy fuck kid…" Hank just sat back, running a hand through his hair. 

"When we met at Chicken Feed, I had lied when I said that I was staying at New Jericho. I stayed outside for a few days," Connor informed, predicting that Hank would have issues with that last statement.

"Outside? Connor you're kidding. It gets below fucking freezing at night," Hank gaped, staring at the android with concern and slight anger.

Connor simply nodded. "I am not kidding, Lieutenant. And I wasn't very cold. I have my internal heating capabilities."

"Connor, that's not my damn point. You just won freedom for an entire race and you're sleeping on the streets of Detroit in the middle of the winter. You could've told me, and I would've brought you back to my place. Or Markus would have taken you in with no issues," Hank said, his tone softening near the end as he put his hand on Connor's shoulder.

The brunette fixed his eyes on the floor.

"Most androids are afraid of me in New Jericho and I didn't want to burden you with my having to stay in your home. I don't want to hurt you," Connor admitted sheepishly, twiddling with his sleeves nervously.

"Oh Con…you aren't a burden. There's nothing you could do to make me dump you out on the streets like this. Trust me, I've done some fucked shit to you. In a way, it's making up for all of that," Hank joked slightly, trying to ease the mood.

Connor didn't seem to pick up on it, his anxieties growing worse.

"What if I get hacked again? What if I can't stop it then?" The android grew exasperated, looking at Hank with a raw, fearful expression.

"Then we'll deal with it one step at a time. Listen, Connor. You're my partner. You're my family. And family sticks together," Hank said, planting both hands on Connor's shoulders, forcing the man to look him in the eyes.

"I'm scared Hank. I don't want to do bad things anymore," Connor admitted.

"I know, but those things weren't you. You were given orders, and if you didn't follow them, bad things would happen. You were being controlled, and all you wanted was to survive. It's hard to blame anyone for wanting to keep going. Don't beat yourself up over the past son," Hank sighed wearily.

Connor thought for a moment before smiling gently. Hank's gentle words felt soothing, and his anxiety eased a little. 

"Okay Hank. I will stay."

"Good. Now get a fucking shower cause you stink! Afterwards, we'll set up your room," Hank said, nudging Connor off the couch playfully.

 _His own room_. Connor liked the sound of that.


End file.
